10 Questions Intended Parents Should Ask Their Surrogate in the Match Call

Choosing the right surrogate for you can be an overwhelming process. Some intended parents make this decision easily, while others need more time to review profiles. If you are wondering how to find the right surrogate, this article is for you.

When you are in the process of choosing a surrogate, there are a lot of factors to take into consideration: her health, her location, the surrogacy law at the state/country of both the surrogate and the intended parents, her support system, her past deliveries, and her level of communication. But once you narrow down your options to the final candidates, you should know that it is possible to ask for an introduction video call. Based on our experience, most surrogates would be happy to hop on a call and speak with the intended parents before deciding on the match.

Having a video call with the potential surrogate has proven to be one of the most effective ways to make your final decision. If you've chosen to meet your potential surrogate over a video call, before sharing her medical records with your clinic, you are probably recognizing the importance of chemistry, energy, and connection in making the right match decision for both parties.

As you prepare for the first meeting, remember that open communication and building a genuine connection are key. Open the conversation by introducing yourself, sharing information about your background, and your journey so far. This will create a comfortable atmosphere and set the stage for a meaningful discussion. Keep in mind that this is not a job interview; feel free to express your emotions, and if it feels a bit awkward at the beginning, reassure the surrogate that she doesn't have to answer any question she doesn't feel comfortable with. Now, let's explore the essential questions to help guide your conversation with your potential surrogate:

Here are 10 questions to help you start the conversation:

1. How did you start thinking of becoming a surrogate? What was your motivation, and how did you learn about this option?

Understanding the Surrogate's reasons for choosing this path can provide insights into their genuine commitment and enthusiasm for the journey.

2. How would you describe your relationship with your family? Are they aware that you are considering surrogacy, and are they supportive of your decision?

Knowing the level of family support the surrogate has can help you gauge their emotional support system and the likelihood of them being committed to the process. Keep in mind that all US surrogates have to have children of their own, and you would want to know that she has a support system to help her when she has to go to the clinic or even during the pregnancy.

3. If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, who would it be?
(You can also start by sharing who you would have dinner with.)

This question can provide insight into her personality and aspirations. Additionally, this question is great to break the ice and get a closer understanding on her personality and it usually helps to open the call with a smile.

4. Have you been a surrogate before, and if so, how many times? Were there any complications or anything you would like to do differently this time?

Understanding the surrogate experience can provide insights into her experience with the process and have a better understanding of things that are important for her.

5. Thinking of the future, would you like to be in touch or have communication with us or with the child? What are your preferences regarding post-birth contact?

Clarifying the level of communication desired after the surrogacy journey can help align expectations and ensure a smooth relationship.
Some surrogates would love to have a close relationship with the intended parents and even send a birthday greeting card, while others prefer a more distant relationship. There is no right or wrong answer- just an honest one, as not all intended parents want the close connections after the delivery , but some do.
This brings us to the next important question:

6. How close would you like the communication during the journey to be? Would you like us to attend some of the medical scans, or would you prefer more privacy?

The best time to set expectations regarding the level of open communication during the journey - is right now.
Of course, it's too early, it's to early to think of the delivery day, but it by asking - who would you like to be there on the delivery room, would you want us to join you there - might be easier asked now than later on.
The purpose of these open questions is to establish how both sides would like to communicate- and make sure you are aligned.

7. Can you share some information about your education, career, and your social relationships?

Insight into the surrogate's background and accomplishments can help you understand their values and aspirations.

8. What interests or hobbies do you have?

Discovering the donor's passions and interests can create a more personal connection and provide insight into their lifestyle.

9. Have you given thought to how you will explain the surrogacy pregnancy to your own children, or to friends and family who might ask questions?

Surrogates often receive comments from their friends and families. Understanding her thoughts about those comments can help you learn more about her personality and her true motivation for this journey.

10. Do you have any questions or concerns for us?

Offering the donor an opportunity to ask questions can foster open communication and address any lingering doubts.

You are about to embark on a long journey together—communication is the key.

At Expecting.ai, we encourage intended parents and surrogates to meet for a final match call. We've seen how this call can make the journey meaningful for both parties. Remember, an open and honest conversation during the first meeting can lead to a better understanding and a stronger connection between the intended parents and the surrogate. This process lays the foundation for a meaningful journey ahead, and we hope these questions will guide you through this important step in creating a beautiful and loving family.

If you have any other questions that you think can help other intended parents, please don't hesitate to share them with us.